Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
