Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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