Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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