I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
