At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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