i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
