just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
