I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
50% drunk capacity currently
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
