wakey wakey hands off snakey
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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