You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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