a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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