I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
a search helicopter?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
