I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
