why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize