I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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