Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
