I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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