I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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