just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
