I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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