between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
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