He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
