he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
