fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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