I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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