I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
