He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
