Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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