So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
