I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
