In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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