I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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