you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
