Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
