I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
