i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
