So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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