screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
