How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
