So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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