Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Can Purell be used as lube?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
