I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
