I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
