I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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