i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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