I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
