I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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