Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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