you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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