i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
