guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
