I want to have your abortion
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
