Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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