And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
