Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
