it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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