dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
