so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
