..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
