i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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