just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
