I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
why do cheetos always look like penises
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
