i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just googled if crying burns calories
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
