The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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