Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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