thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
if you like me you must not know who I am
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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