I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
