he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
