I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
