you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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